Yesterday, we had our Visita Iglesia. It has been our yearly family tradition, for God knows how long.

After the first church that we visited - St. Nicholas of Tolentino Parish (Ivisan, Capiz), my Dad noticed that there was something wrong – our car’s head light malfunctioned. Given the fact that if we continue to drive on a dark night, the risk of having accident became a concern, yet we had no choice...

As we drove along the dark path, keeping on the right track became so difficult to the point that we almost crashed into another vehicle - I thought we will have an accident. During those times, I intently prayed and hoped for a miracle – that our car’s headlight would magically turn on so we could continue on our trip and go home safely. Yet, it never happened.  Instead, there were people who kind-heartedly helped us and patiently guided us until we were finally home. It was blessing in disguise indeed.

Life is full of surprises, isn't it? And, this even includes circumstances which take life in unwelcome directions. But God wants us to put our trust on Him. God didn't promise to make our dark paths become brighter instantly, but He does promise, “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Heb. 13:5).

"God, give me the faith of a little child. A faith that will look to Thee - that will never falter and never fail, but follow Thee trustingly".

A diary entry on the 30th day of January

In the still of the night, I am wide awake. Different thoughts keep turning in my head. Suddenly, the clock ticked, it's already 12 A.M, I am already 23...

Time flew swiftly. Looking back, the past year has certainly been a whirlwind of my highest highs and my lowest lows. I continue to discover so much about my self, how much I can take in any given situation - how much I can let go, keep, lose, and gain.

And, I continue to discover about Him.  There were days when I feel that He is so far, so silent, so still.  But, instead of complaining and giving up, I was reminded that I have to simply follow His heart.

Then, there were also days, beautiful, wondrous days that I can hear Him loud and clear - shouting words of encouragement... of love.

Today, I will be honest when I say that I still cannot comprehend how it is possible to be loved by Him, this much.

"Just when I think everything's really great, He gives me greater. And, just when I think He's given me greater, He gives me the greatest. "

:) 

I recently read Psalm 131.

Before, I viewed it as an encouragement to understand that mystery is one of the hallmarks of God’s character. Maybe, because I do not understand all that God is doing and it challenged me to let my mind be at rest.

Years ago, I’ve made a promise to be firm with my faith, that I will love and worship Him no matter what. But I guess, it is easier said than done…  True enough, bad things could happen.

Do you know that feeling when you’re all up and doing well and all of a sudden… you fall, you’re hurt, you’re disappointed.

Sometimes, I forget and get carried away with the meaning and mystery God wants me to see. I am unable to understand all that God is doing to me, and it is impossible to try.

I was complaining more and more, “Why this disappointment? Why this affliction?”  

In the said bible verse,  King David draws a comparison between a weaned child that no longer frets for what it once demanded, and a soul that has learned the same lesson (v.2).  

I contemplated, and asked myself, Can I, in my circumstances, hope in the Lord? Can I wait in faith and be patient without fretting and questioning God’s wisdom?

It reminded me how important the virtue of humility, patient endurance and contentment in all my life circumstances is. Though I do not understand God’s reasons, at the end of the day, I still choose to fall back on my knees again  – because I need Him and I love Him more than anything else.

"O Lord, my heart is not lifted up, my eyes are not raised so high; But I have calmed and quieted my soul."

One of my biggest struggles is unanswered prayer.

Maybe, you can relate. You ask God to rescue a friend from impending death, to heal a sick child, to mend a relationship or just simply asking for His blessing for your dreams to come true. For years you pray. But you hear nothing back from Him and you see no results. All these things you think that it must be, God's will. That it all happened for the best...

You remind yourself that He is powerful. That your request is a good thing. You plead. You wait. You doubt... Maybe, He doesn't hear you, or maybe, He isn't so powerful after all. You quit asking, you stopped praying - for days or months. You feel guilty about doubting. You remember that God wants you to take your needs to Him.

Yes, we may sometimes feel like we're a persistent widow. But we know that God is kinder and more powerful than we think He is. We trust Him for He is good and wise and always remember that, "delay is not a denial." 

always ought to pray and not lose heart. - Luke 18:1

Dear God

image credit

It's a lazy Friday morning as I write this. I'm finally done with the last book of the trilogy of the Hunger Games, and I'm listening to Coldplay's single, Fix You while mending my trepid heart.  There are many words forming in my head. And, I suddenly feel the need to write it down...

Fate has been a little harsh to me for the past few days.  These were the days where I feel sulk and lost.  Frustration and loneliness has overtaken me. I was complaining more and more why do these things has to happen??? I hate to admit this, but, yes, I have doubted my faith to Him and His love for me.  But who am I to complain anyway? If in the first place, He has given me more than enough blessings I have prayed for.

It's superficial how I measure His love for me through material things and success. Which often leads me to a never ending struggle to feel validated.  I have linked my achievements to my self-worth.  And, when insecurity and dissatisfaction sets in... I feel unworthy.

To cope with the emptiness I was feeling, I tried to re-connect myself with Him and while reading the bible, I stumbled upon this verse, 

" No matter what happens, believe that all things will work for good to those who love Him." - Romans 8:28

Yes, things now may not go to the place where I planned it to be. But, I know, that He has the best reason why all of these has to happen.

Today, I will be honest when I say that there are still times when I feel dissatisfied.  But, yes, I will no longer measure His love for me and my self-worth by my success, my material things because I know, how He has created me to become a blessing to other people, a cause of smile and a source of inspiration are enough proofs of His greatest love for me. :) 

And, although I may not understand the path He has laid for me, I am surrendering myself completely to His will; Because I know, one day, I will be in the place where I am ought to be. All is well! :)

-Joy A. Señeres, RN (soon to be a Pediatric Cardiologist)

Months ago...I feel detached from Him. And, it scares me...

Those were the days where I was so pre-occupied with school and He was the least of my priorities.  I tried to pray, but I can't concentrate knowing that I have many things to worry about and I know how much He deserves my full concentration.

Yesterday, while I was checking blogs, I stumbled upon one post which coincidentally answers my worries.  The said post says that, we always have time for anything and everything.  No matter how busy we are with school, work and other activities, we can always have time for Him.

And, it made me came up with a realization that yes, it is our choice how we can make time for Him - may it be waking up 15 or 20 minutes earlier than our normal waking hour so we could say our personal prayer to Him.

Months ago, He was the least of my priorities. Today, He is my number one priority. :)

Turning 22

I have always believed that there's nothing really special about turning 22.

I mean, it isn't that sweet when you turn 16, it doesn't even give you a fairy tale feeling brought by flowers and candles when you turn 18 nor the sense of freedom that you feel when turning 21. But, then... I was wrong. Turning 22 made me realized how I have grown as a person and how God truly loves me.

Although, admittedly, my journey has been a rough ride - there were twists and turns. There were times that I was complaining about life more often and asking, "Lord, why me???!"

In retrospect, I am thankful how I saved myself from the trap of  ungratefulness.  I guess, there's just a point in our lives when we would rather choose to be grateful than resentful.

Today, I turned 22 and it feels like the past year has just passed by, as if my days were lived in a fast-forward mode. But, I have learned so much. :)

So, here's a recap of my 10 life changing, hipsterly made realizations.

1. Say "thank You" and make it an everyday habit.

2. Life is too short to hold grudges. Be kind. Forgive.

3. Be constantly fascinated. And, you'll find beauty in everything.

4. Appreciate little things. And, you'll realize happiness isn't hard to find at all.

5. Dream big. Believe.

6. The greatest experiences and joys of life come only if we know when to take a chance.

Be brave. Take risk.

7.  There is an end to everything.

 Good things go...and, bad things will eventually pass.

8. Family time is golden.

Spend it well.

9. Work hard. Keep the optimism. And, the rest will follow.

10.  Have faith. God listens. Always.

I'm bente dos, but I feel that I am just on way of growing. 

Granting that there are still so many things that I need to learn.

I just pray to God that He may always guide me in the days which lie ahead to make this 

the best year yet. 

:)

P.S: 

For all the people who remembered me today, and sent me birthday greetings through phone calls, text messages, wall posts... THANK YOU MUCH-O!!!:)

The Reason for the Season

It's the season where everyone is happy. Exchanging gifts, hugs, kisses, thank you's and I love you's.

The best time to end the year right - say sorry and to forgive.

Christmas - the most wonderful time of the year!

The main reason, why we celebrate CHRISTmas... 

Thank You for all the blessings - for the good life, loving family and true friends.

Thank You for always standing by my side. For the times when I stumble and on the verge of giving up,
You are always there, giving me hope.

Thank You for everything!

Thank You for Your love!

Happy Birthday!:)

Journal entry: December 25, 2011

An Epilogue

We may sometimes question His decision. But, maybe...just maybe..He just wants us to see life at a different perspective - so we could appreciate life more and realize how blessed we are. 

***

Thinking about what happened in CDO makes me realize how thankful I am - that I can still celebrate Christmas happily with my family and loved ones, that I have nothing to worry about  satisfying my physiological needs, that I am still alive...

In light of what happened, let us continue to pray for all the victims of the typhoon Sendong.

Hoping that this prayer could alleviate their sad plight.

Crossing fingers, keeping the faith.

I would usually consider the month of December as my oasis. But, please, don't get me wrong, I love December! There are numerous things to love about this month! It's the month of Christmas, the season of love giving.

It's just that, I get a lot of "stress-ors" during this month.haha.  Back when I was a college student, our preliminary examination would always fall on this month. Last year, December 2010, I took the PNLE. And, last Sunday, December 4, I took an examination which I would consider as a "leap of faith" because it would determine my future path.

I don't have a very high hope with the result of my examination, though. Considering that I almost played Russian Roulette on some parts of the examination.

All I know is that, I did my best and I leave it all up to His immense goodness.

Now, the hardest part is here again... 

As I wait, I am keeping my fingers crossed, hoping for the best, and keeping the faith.

God knows best. Always.

Waiting...

They say that life is full of waiting. - Waiting for the week end to arrive, waiting for a delicious meal to be served, waiting to have a grand vacay, waiting for the right answer, waiting for the good news, waiting for the right time, waiting for a perfect moment, waiting for the right person...

Waiting can be the hardest thing to do because we do not know if there is something worth waiting for at the end of the day. And, there... we become impatient and equate "wait" with "waste" because we often think that as we wait, we are doing nothing.

But, waiting serves many purposes: it tests our patience and at the same time...proves our faith. - Those who have weak faith often give up, and those who have strong faith are willing to endure the torment of waiting.

I know, I have been very patient and one day, I will understand why I have to wait for so long.  I may have not received an immediate answer to my prayer but this is not a reason for me to give up my faith.

Everything will be beautiful in God's time. 

And, I will be the happiest person on earth. 

:)

Doodling

My mom would always tell me, "God has plans".  

But I guess, its really hard when you're not there yet, when you don't know what you're waiting for, or if there is something worth waiting for.

I trust God and I know He wont give me anything I cannot handle. 

I just pray that with that trust, He may give me enough strength to face each new day with hope and courage 

--- if that's too much to ask.

A Journal Entry last: 02-08-11

HUMBLED

A lot of things are bothering me...

First, the requirements that I need to comply before the semester ends. 

Second, our upcoming examination. 

And lastly, my plans for the next semester (God, I’m indecisive!).

I know that I don’t spend a lot of time with You as much as do before. I made lot of excuses…

“Lord, pwede later lang? damo ko talapuson..”, or, “karon lang ah, ga dali na gid ko..”

Through all of  these, I know that You never fail to answer my every prayer, even the smallest ones! I guess, You just love me.

And, I will always be thankful for that love.

I know that You have a better and bigger plans for me and I trust You because I know in Your time, I will be happy. In Your time, everything will fall into place.

Today, I am leaving everything into Your hands.

I kneel down, humbled.

 “God knows best.” – always.