Sometimes, it frustrates me so much to think of ways on how to deal with the complexity life has.

Do you know that feeling when you are all up and doing well then suddenly, at one second, you’re already devastated / disappointed / depressed?

Planning has always been a part of my routine; perhaps I even keep a planner where all my to-do’s and life-long plans are listed. But when I see flaws in the plan that I made, I start to question the faith I have in myself and my happiness.

Like when I plan to write my thoughts or draw out ideas what I want to happen in my life. But when I start writing down the words, all the formed ideas slowly fade and they lost somehow. Whenever I take pictures, as I see my photo-subject on the view finder, it seemed that I already have the perfect angle – good lighting, no further enhancement needed.  But when I am already halfway clicking the shutter, it perplexes me to shoot the image the way I envisioned it – perfectly without any blurriness. And my hands get all shaky producing a blurry image - not perfect at all.

Growing up, I have learned to train myself to always look at the brighter side of things – that there is a reason behind all those disappointments. It is like waking up on the wrong side of the bed yet I still managed to get up, trying to have a wonderful feeling knowing that no one will be responsible for my day, except myself. I sleep every single night hoping that tomorrow would be the day I can get up as confidently as I did on the other happy days. I have learned to look at life on a different perspective – that it does not have to be perfect, that life being not so organized and experiencing a little pain is what makes it just fine. 

I think I am completely okay with this kind of plan.

This is when I get happy.

I just needed my favorites - the sun, the sand and the sea.

"Each morning when I open my eyes I say to my self: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it."

- Groucho Marx

"Smile every chance you get. Not because life has been easy, perfect, or exactly as you had anticipated. But because you choose to be happy and grateful for all the things you do have and all the problems you know you don't have"

:)

So my one year hiatus has finally come to an end. And, I do not want to explain everything that happened in between. Because then, I would just rant about being too busy accomplishing the overwhelming amount of school works that have had left me catatonic and confused, 

There were even times that I felt that I was going the wrong way - feeling inadequate and losing my study time and I was failing my exams.  But then, I was reminded about the primary reason why I am doing this in the first place. I guess, you never really know what you are capable of until you push yourself to the extremes of possible.

Second year has indeed been a test of endurance, character and resilience. Now that it has finally ended, I couldn't be more thankful for the lessons it taught me and even for the  let-downs; granting that I still have more things to learn and challenges to surpass.  But I am grateful to have survived this far. :)

***

Guimaras Sem-ender Getaway, October 2013. 

Having friends in Med school can really turn bad days into brighter ones! 

Glad to have them. :)

Find Your Passion

"Find something you are passionate about and keep tremendously interested in it." - Julia Child

Hello. second year!

How time flies. Yesterday, I was scrambling to get into Med school and today, in just few more weeks, I will already be on my sophomore year. How's that?:)

My first year in med school went by such a blinding speed. The experience has been roller coaster ride - unbelievable, emotional and a challenging mash up of continual learning and adjustment.  "High acceptance. low expectation" that was one thing that I have learned along the way.

By now, I can say that I have already adjusted to the demands in Med school - to pass the ton after ton of exams.  For me, it was all about surviving, surviving with my values intact and without losing grip of why I am doing all those things in the first place.

I guess surviving in Med school isn't merely about who is the most intelligent in class, it is about learning how to prioritize among the many things that all need to get done. And, it was only when I entered Med school that I fully realized the value of time.

Before, I would complain of having too many things that need to be done, but still get a complete 8 hours of sleep. But today, I already considered myself extremely blessed to have 5 hours of sleep. I have learned how to juggle different activities - eat while walking, study while riding a jeep, catch up sleep during breaks, reviewing while waiting for the next exam, throw Q&As while waiting to receive exam papers.

Today, I can say that I am not the control freak, over the top perfectionist as I was before. I have already learned how to prioritize things according to its importance - which things deserve my utmost effort and which require less work. I guess this is a more mature way of seeing things.  Medicine taught me to imbibe the principles of Time Management - do things as soon as you can and give it your best effort  so you won't do it over again.

I know that my first year in med school is just a head start and may just be 5% of my life as a doctor, but I am beyond happy that I have successfully survived.:)

***

First year has been more fun because of them :)

the wait

I will meet you. I don’t know when, but I will and when I do, I’ll do back flips and sing Spanish love songs and shower the world with molten chocolate.

But before that a disclaimer:

I regretfully admit that my heart hasn’t been kept at its best state for you. I’ve subjected it to a number of burns that even the most skillful heart doctors can’t amend. There are bruises, scrapes and signs of struggle. There are blackened parts and shredded parts and parts that have gone missing. But with what little I have left - the tiny pulsating beat of my heart’s wreckage – I still hope.

Don’t panic. I’m not hoping for you to be my saving grace. I have learned never to depend on a person to super glue you back together. What I am hoping for is this: to scavenge the world for every missing piece I have and put it back together. I want to fill every empty space so you won’t have to fall into the gaps. I want to clear the sky of every black hole that will suck the life out of you, leaving you empty and exasperated.

It will take time, like most adventures do. I will have to cry alone and give myself hugs that I know aren’t even half as good as what I’ll get from you. I will want you, need you, crave you and maybe even seduce you – but don’t give in. Because I am not ready, and so are you. Sometimes the waiting may not make sense, especially when people start to get ahead. But we have to remember that it’s not a race, that time and space is also good.

We have to engrain in our minds that despite what we feel, we are not empty without each other.
In our temporary absence we are not incomplete. 

But in the perfect time, like a well plotted eclipse, I will meet you. And when I do, we will fly. No black holes, no stray comets. We will be Eagles soaring side by side, navigating the vast horizon of purple hues and hurdling past the turbulence.

When at times, I find myself free falling into the ground, your talons will pull me back up and when you feel restless and caged, mine will take you places. No airplanes, no parachutes, just our wings flapping together in perfect tune, escaping the simulation and finding ourselves whole just as nature intended us to.
So I will wait for you, and I hope you will too.
Because I will meet you

I don’t know when, but I will and when I do, I’ll do back flips and sing Spanish love songs and shower the world… with molten chocolate. :)

Source:  theruddyguidelines.blogspot.com

A diary entry on the 30th day of January

In the still of the night, I am wide awake. Different thoughts keep turning in my head. Suddenly, the clock ticked, it's already 12 A.M, I am already 23...

Time flew swiftly. Looking back, the past year has certainly been a whirlwind of my highest highs and my lowest lows. I continue to discover so much about my self, how much I can take in any given situation - how much I can let go, keep, lose, and gain.

And, I continue to discover about Him.  There were days when I feel that He is so far, so silent, so still.  But, instead of complaining and giving up, I was reminded that I have to simply follow His heart.

Then, there were also days, beautiful, wondrous days that I can hear Him loud and clear - shouting words of encouragement... of love.

Today, I will be honest when I say that I still cannot comprehend how it is possible to be loved by Him, this much.

"Just when I think everything's really great, He gives me greater. And, just when I think He's given me greater, He gives me the greatest. "

:) 

On the last day of 2012...

It's December 31 - the last day of the year. And, we are only counting hours and, finally, 2012 is coming to a close

Today, I decided to work on my annual goal setting aka my new year's resolution. Apart from it, I also decided to take photographs since this activity is something that I couldn't do anymore when I am officially back in Iloilo since school is starting in 3 days. =/

But looking on the brighter side, I am happy still. :)

This 10-days of once in a blue moon paved way for the break I have been yearning - to read books, be reunited with old friends, to savor home-cooked meals and breath some fresh air. But what I love the most about going home is the wonderful feeling of being reunited with my loved ones. :)

Below are the random snapshots I took...

Today is the last day of the year and whatever ways we have decided how to spend it - whether making our thank you list, new year's resolutions, or just simply used the time relaxing and sitting on the couch...

It is important to remember that we should always know how to spend our time well, not only on the last day of the year but also through all the days of our lives.

Happy 2013, everyone! 

Let us lift our hopes up for a brighter year!

Cheers!

:)

Why I am thankful all day, every day.

I've always been a fan of Rhonda Byrne.  And if you also happen to read her book, The Secret, maybe you can also understand how important the practice of gratitude in all our life circumstances is.

My mom brought me and my siblings up making sure that we know how to express gratitude. As a grown up, whenever I feel appreciative, I try to verbalize it even if I've already said it many times before about the same thing. I have always reminded myself to "count my blessings" and always see the good in every bad situations.  Yes, we all have our hard days. But counting our blessings is something we should really aim to do every day.

Sometimes, we find it hard to find a reason why we are thankful. Maybe because we often equate gratitude with great things. But do we also realize that when we learn how to appreciate the small things in our lives, great things will also follow?

"When you are grateful for the things you have, no matter how small they may be, you will see those things instantly increase." (The Secret)

Yesterday, I decided to make a list of all the things that I am thankful for and I came out with quite a long list.

I am thankful for each new day.  Because each day is a new opportunity to make things right.  And just the thought of the newness of each day is already a gift worth celebrating.

I am thankful for the family I have, my friends.  Even for the little, important things that I sometimes ignore - the sun, the water I drink and the air I breathe.

I am thankful for every morning coffee, the chocolates and our dogs.

I am thankful for my senses. My eyes that can see, my nose that can smell and my skin that enables me to feel.

I am thankful that I have two legs that enables me to walk, dance... my hands that I can use to do almost everything. My voice that enables me to express myself and communicate with others.

I am thankful that I am free, I am alive and I have the chance to chase for my dreams and make it a reality.

My life now may not be the one that I have planned it to be.  I even had my personal ups and downs. But weighing all the good and the bad things that happened, the good has definitely weighed more! 

And, I am eternally thankful for it!:)

Happiness on a Friday Night

My understanding of happiness is definitely not the same as other people's.

I love the idea of playing tennis on Saturdays, going to parties on a Friday night and playing board games on a lazy afternoon. I can see why other people enjoy these activities. I wish I enjoy them... But, I don't.

I enjoy solitary, quiet things. I love writing, taking photos, and be absorbed in a good book. But with the path I have chosen, enjoying these things is almost an impossibility. Medicine entails delaying gratifications and thus, sacrifice.

But, thank God for Friday nights. At least, for even just an hour or two...I can do what makes me happy. :)

Taking a break from Guyton's Medical Physiology and Snell's Clinical Anatomy and giving John Green a try. I like the story, though I'm trying not to get too attached to the characters because of inevitable ending.

“But it is the nature of stars to cross, and never was Shakespeare more wrong than when he has Cassius note, ‘The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars. But in ourselves.” 

I recently read Psalm 131.

Before, I viewed it as an encouragement to understand that mystery is one of the hallmarks of God’s character. Maybe, because I do not understand all that God is doing and it challenged me to let my mind be at rest.

Years ago, I’ve made a promise to be firm with my faith, that I will love and worship Him no matter what. But I guess, it is easier said than done…  True enough, bad things could happen.

Do you know that feeling when you’re all up and doing well and all of a sudden… you fall, you’re hurt, you’re disappointed.

Sometimes, I forget and get carried away with the meaning and mystery God wants me to see. I am unable to understand all that God is doing to me, and it is impossible to try.

I was complaining more and more, “Why this disappointment? Why this affliction?”  

In the said bible verse,  King David draws a comparison between a weaned child that no longer frets for what it once demanded, and a soul that has learned the same lesson (v.2).  

I contemplated, and asked myself, Can I, in my circumstances, hope in the Lord? Can I wait in faith and be patient without fretting and questioning God’s wisdom?

It reminded me how important the virtue of humility, patient endurance and contentment in all my life circumstances is. Though I do not understand God’s reasons, at the end of the day, I still choose to fall back on my knees again  – because I need Him and I love Him more than anything else.

"O Lord, my heart is not lifted up, my eyes are not raised so high; But I have calmed and quieted my soul."

I believe good things happen every day. I believe good things happen even when bad things happen. And, I believe on a day, like today, we can still feel a little sad. And, that's life, isn't it?

It's a lazy Friday morning as I write this. I'm finally done with the last book of the trilogy of the Hunger Games, and I'm listening to Coldplay's single, Fix You while mending my trepid heart.  There are many words forming in my head. And, I suddenly feel the need to write it down...

Fate has been a little harsh to me for the past few days.  These were the days where I feel sulk and lost.  Frustration and loneliness has overtaken me. I was complaining more and more why do these things has to happen??? I hate to admit this, but, yes, I have doubted my faith to Him and His love for me.  But who am I to complain anyway? If in the first place, He has given me more than enough blessings I have prayed for.

It's superficial how I measure His love for me through material things and success. Which often leads me to a never ending struggle to feel validated.  I have linked my achievements to my self-worth.  And, when insecurity and dissatisfaction sets in... I feel unworthy.

To cope with the emptiness I was feeling, I tried to re-connect myself with Him and while reading the bible, I stumbled upon this verse, 

" No matter what happens, believe that all things will work for good to those who love Him." - Romans 8:28

Yes, things now may not go to the place where I planned it to be. But, I know, that He has the best reason why all of these has to happen.

Today, I will be honest when I say that there are still times when I feel dissatisfied.  But, yes, I will no longer measure His love for me and my self-worth by my success, my material things because I know, how He has created me to become a blessing to other people, a cause of smile and a source of inspiration are enough proofs of His greatest love for me. :) 

And, although I may not understand the path He has laid for me, I am surrendering myself completely to His will; Because I know, one day, I will be in the place where I am ought to be. All is well! :)

-Joy A. Señeres, RN (soon to be a Pediatric Cardiologist)

Patient Heart

Happy Feast Day, St. Valentine!:)

Aryt, so it's Valentine's Day once again. I bet this is yet another special day for people out there who are inlove.  And, as for me? It is just an ordinary day since I do not have any special someone to share this special occasion with.HAHA. Don't get me wrong, I am not lonely nor bitter.  As cliched as this might sound but yes, I am contented with my current status: HAPPY. :)

Two years down the line. And, when I look back at the days when I was all giddy with the first discovery of love, I find that the grass was greener, the air was fresher and even the sun was kinder.  It seems like everything was wonderful and new.

I must admit, after surviving a heartbreak, it's never easy to lay the door of my heart open because I am fully aware that love and rejection both get in the same way.  Thus, I would envy people who can plunge right after into a relationship even by just some tentative attempts of getting to know another person. I envy those who are not afraid to go after their happiness and the consequences that accompany it.  I envy people who could go from conquest to conquest without feeling diminished by it. I don't know if I could be like them. I don't want to be like them at all.  If I have one hope that would be - a love of a lifetime. And, definitely not a conquest after another.

I don't know when will God would send me my Prince Charming.  All I know is that, when that day comes... all my fairy tale dreams will come true and I will be the happiest person on earth. :)

Dear whoever you might be, I'm still waiting...patiently. 

<3

Turning 22

I have always believed that there's nothing really special about turning 22.

I mean, it isn't that sweet when you turn 16, it doesn't even give you a fairy tale feeling brought by flowers and candles when you turn 18 nor the sense of freedom that you feel when turning 21. But, then... I was wrong. Turning 22 made me realized how I have grown as a person and how God truly loves me.

Although, admittedly, my journey has been a rough ride - there were twists and turns. There were times that I was complaining about life more often and asking, "Lord, why me???!"

In retrospect, I am thankful how I saved myself from the trap of  ungratefulness.  I guess, there's just a point in our lives when we would rather choose to be grateful than resentful.

Today, I turned 22 and it feels like the past year has just passed by, as if my days were lived in a fast-forward mode. But, I have learned so much. :)

So, here's a recap of my 10 life changing, hipsterly made realizations.

1. Say "thank You" and make it an everyday habit.

2. Life is too short to hold grudges. Be kind. Forgive.

3. Be constantly fascinated. And, you'll find beauty in everything.

4. Appreciate little things. And, you'll realize happiness isn't hard to find at all.

5. Dream big. Believe.

6. The greatest experiences and joys of life come only if we know when to take a chance.

Be brave. Take risk.

7.  There is an end to everything.

 Good things go...and, bad things will eventually pass.

8. Family time is golden.

Spend it well.

9. Work hard. Keep the optimism. And, the rest will follow.

10.  Have faith. God listens. Always.

I'm bente dos, but I feel that I am just on way of growing. 

Granting that there are still so many things that I need to learn.

I just pray to God that He may always guide me in the days which lie ahead to make this 

the best year yet. 

:)

P.S: 

For all the people who remembered me today, and sent me birthday greetings through phone calls, text messages, wall posts... THANK YOU MUCH-O!!!:)

1st ever photo pick - Thank you, Igers Pinoy!

I've been very vocal about my passion in photography.  

And, to be honest... I have this big yet shy dream of stepping in the photography arena.

Yesterday, I decided to join the Igers Pinoy photo challenge with a theme, "Nature Tuesday."

I hesitated at first, since nature shots are really not my forte. 

But then, I decided to give it a try.

This was my entry.

And, this morning... I was surprised when my news feed has been flooded with messages coming from different people (whom I barely know) congratulating me. --- my photo has been picked!!! 

And, I couldn't thank God enough for it!

Being one of the photo faves is already an accomplishment for a first-timer like me.

Considering that there are hundreds of photography enthusiasts who passed an entry. And, some of them are already professionals, or even used DSLRs to produce a high quality kind of photos.

And, being in line with them is already a sweet haven for a shutterbug like me who doesn't even have any formal training.

I just love taking photos, edit it, then publish it without really taking into consideration what might professional photographers out there think after seeing my amateur shots.

Now, this inspires me moooore!

Thank you, Igers Pinoy!

:)

Yesteryear

Few hours to go...And, 2011 is coming to a close. How time flies...

How would you rate your year? Not so good, good, or great? 2011 may be the best or the worst year for some, but I believe this is yet, another memorable year for all of us.

2011 has been a pretty awesome year for me. I would actually consider it as a year of "shake-ups" because it was definitely a mixture emotions. There was happiness, disappointment, anxiety, stress, cheerfulness, fun, and all. But as they would always say, the more type of emotions we feel, the more colorful our life experience will be.

February 2011: RN, officially.

One of the reasons why I really feel so blessed this year.

But much more than having a license and attaching RN next to my name, it also entails a bigger challenge for the profession.

April 2011: Welcome to MA school!

Pursuing Master's degree has already been one of my plans. I can say that my 8months of learning has indeed helped me both professionally and personally.

One of the reasons why I am enjoying MA school despite all the pressures, piles of requirements to comply and the brain contorting exams: 

Being friends with people who have different upbringings.

Ahh..I already miss being with you guys! The videoke marathon, the goofy, laugh trip moments, the bingo session and most of all... our tokneneng, fish ball, kikiam food trip!=p

The BBFL!!!:)

All photos courtesy of Jem Bico...:)

July 2011: Welcome to the heaven's gate.

"There is always good in good-byes" - a phrase that I would always remind myself of.

Because I know for a fact  that things do not just happen - God has the best reason why it has to happen. 

August 2011: I was admitted twice in three weeks

Yes, that's how weak my immune system is!:( 

Now, I have to be extra-extra cautious with my health.

***

Reflecting on what happened in my life for the last 12 months, I was amazed how I kept up! Yes, I had my personal ups and downs but despite all the misfortunes and dissatisfaction, I feel that I am actually on my way of growing. Granted that there is so much more that I need to work on myself - to see that progress and failure can be both part of every journey, to gain insight from my past struggles and use it with issues I am currently facing.

With all the life lessons I have learned this year, I am eternally thankful to God - on how He has been faithfully working in my life. :)

Now, I am ready for the new challenges ahead. Good-bye 2011, hopes up for a better, brighter 2012!!!:)

Have a Happy, Prosperous New Year, everyone!

:)

Traditions

Indeed, the Christmas spirit is around the corner - Parols hanging anywhere from malls, schools, offices even in the individual family homes. Caroling can be heard from little kids walking from house-to-house singing the old-time Christmas songs. And, houses are already strung with tiny, multi-colored Christmas lights. 

But, much more than having a fully decorated Christmas tree and the gifts beneath... Christmas is the best time to reflect, give love and share our blessings to other people.

When I opened my formspring account yesterday, I was stunned with this question, "What holiday traditions do you and your family celebrate?" I reflected on this question for a while but instead of answering the question right after, I decided to write an article regarding "traditions" in this blog.

My parents brought me and my siblings up making sure that we knew how to share. They would emphasized to us that we should always be thankful for every blessing we received and at the same time, know how to share this blessing to other people.

One month before Christmas, we would sort our clothes into "will still use and for donation" and, on the day before Christmas, we would help our mom pack all those used clothing together with canned goods and noodles for it to be ready for our simple gift giving. 

Little did I know that this upbringing would have a big impact on my life. As a grown-up, I have learned how to appreciate life more - to be more thankful for what I have, for the love I receive and for what God has given me. My life may have twists and turns but weighing the good and the bad things that happened, the good has definitely weighed more! And, I am eternally thankful for that. :)


I just have a good feeling that life will continue to be good to me and I am counting on it. :)

***
One of the traditional Filipino symbols - The Belen

It represents the nativity scene: the infant Jesus in the manger, surrounded by Virgin Mary, St. Joseph, the shepherds and their flock.

 Our Christmas Tree. We still prefer the traditional one.

Just one of my Mom's Santa Claus..HAHA. We would put this underneath our Christmas tree instead of gifts.

3 days to go.. It's Christmas time! 

And, we will all be Santa Claus for a day!

:)